Leaving it all behind and moving to a new life

Some people want to run away from their current lives because it is a disaster and they believe that staying there will not do them any good. Some just do it looking for ‘greener’ pastures. There is nothing explicitly wrong about the current life, but they believe that it would be better somewhere else.
I think I’m the second type. I was initially elated when things were  finally settling down making my ‘depature’ possible. I though abt all the experiences I would have, and all the things I would see. I dreamt about all the new carrier prospects I would have.

But it’s a week remaining for my imminent movement, and  I’m in an emotional blackout situation. If a person hates his current life, at this point he should be feeling very excited and would be having his eyes and ears open for the new life, but for a person who has a nearly perfect life (except for some glitches in the past which I try to forget) moving into a completely new world doesn’t seem too much appealing right now.

I would miss my great friends, and I know that I have a good lot of them. I will miss my parents, fighting with them and laughing with them. I will miss my spacious home and would be moving into a small apartment which would be shared by ‘god-knows-who’ type of people.  And I would have to build my image, who I am bit by bit all over again in an alien environment.

All I could wish for is that the transition would be smooth.

Entering a different rat race

At the moment everything is settled. I’m going to move out from the so called ‘sane’ world and move to a totally different world in a couple of months time.  The world which I’m moving into is so full of intellectuals and geeks. It is supposed to be very demanding, heart breaking, stressful and financially not rewarding.

Welcome to the world of a PhD student! So it is so hard and unforgiving, why would I consider getting into such a life? Especially since I do not belong into the traditional geek category (I think so). I like to read books, both emotional tales with a sentimental value and hardcore science fiction. I like to dance, play the guitar a bit (both I do for my pleasure and I’m quite bad at them). I like to jog and physically exert myself. I like to do nothing and sleep whole Sundays.

So I sometimes carefully think, why am I going to put myself into this path? Is it because I have a very high GPA, or my father wants me to? Or is it because my peers and seniors tell me to?

Not really. I though hard and deep, and I came to know that the motivation is quite personal. It is the illusion if freedom. I stress the word ‘illusion’. I know that I will hardly be free during the next 4 years. But, I will be free from the rat race my mortal friends will engage in during the next period. I will be free from the race to marry and raise a family for some time. I will be free from the race to buy a car. I will be free from the workplace backstabbing. For the next 4-5 years I will not engage in puny ‘human’ struggles. And of course, you can afford to be a little crazy as well. Usually academics are excused by the society to be a little eccentric. The illusion if freedom gets thinker when I think of the time after the PhD.

But the most important thing is the lifelong learning. People say that they are tired of learning after a mere bachelor’s degree. But I’m not. Learning takes me to a mildly stressful situation which makes me happy. It makes me feel special to be wandering around the edges of human knowledge. And if I get to contribute anything useful, it would make me feel like god.     

People will laugh reading this. Some will secretly tell that I’m already damaged. They will list all the negatives of the path I have chosen. They forget that it is a sacrifice few people have the guts to do. I know very well what I’m getting into. The path is perilous, full of hardships and so few rewards. I will have to give up a certain part of being a normal human. One of my friends laughed at me saying that he will be having a wife, two kids and a house when I leave the university. I told him that is exactly my plan as well.

It will be a different ball game altogether. I will be moving into a different rat race. The rules are different, the rewards are different and the players are super intelligent and crazy. I don’t mind getting lost in such a place

.   

Men Are Just Happier People

Found this article while roaming the net. Don't know the source, but seemed very funny and interesting. Hope I'm not infringing any copyright laws by posting this article! 




Men Are Just Happier People--


What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.


Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.




Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.




You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache..
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.


No wonder men are happier. 

To get wasted or not? That is the question…

Can a person perform outstandingly well in a highly technical field without being a geek? That is the dilemma I’m facing right now, and a question I have asked myself several times.

A geek could be technically identified by the way that person uses his or her spare time. Some are obsessive computer gamers, while some are crazy coders. Some spend their entire free time going through video lectures of various subjects. What do I do in my spare time? I read novels. I chat. I try to learn the guitar although my singing capabilities only please me when I’m drunk. I try to learn dancing. And of course, I Jog and I sleep.

I love my life with all the free time I’m having these days. But having sentenced myself for a phd in AI starting in a few months time, I’m a bit afraid whether I could be successful in my work with the current mindset. My fear is that I have to eat, drink and even share ideas with a bunch of real geeks in a few months. Will I survive? 

At the moment I’m being   dragged in two different directions. When I stay, talk and work with so called intellectuals, I naturally admire them. I like my work and I love research. But to love a field means consistent knowledge gathering and reading. Sometimes I urge myself to dedicate all my free time towards learning. How little do we actually know of the things that we would like to know?  

But when I hang out with my crazy friends, listen to their stories, share their life stories, get drunk with them - wow that is life! Their lives are so free and seemingly so uncomplicated. Being brought up in a traditional environment, I have always being trained to frown upon such lives. But I call myself a person liberated from the shackles of ‘culture’ and I can’t hate these people for being so naïve, so shortsighted and living in the moment. They live happily for the moment without much worry about the future, and let the time decide what would happen of their lives.

        

I know I would never truly be able to be one of the latter group I mentioned, because its already too late. I know too much, I have read too many weird stuff to know that life is not a play ground as some people believe. Oh how unlucky am I in that regard? Whenever I see person who has the ability to completely immerse   himself in the current moment and enjoy it as if he is not going to be alive tomorrow, I look at him with a green flash in my eye. I try to remind myself how naïve and meaningless their lives are. But the truth is that I’m jealous.

And now back to the basic problem. I know for sure that I can’t be a true geek. Whenever I get a chance I enjoy myself and try to imitate the group of people whom I look at with such jealousy and make myself look like a complete fool. I have heard many comments from people saying ‘I never knew that you were this crazy’! Yes, I’m crazy. I challenge the so called normal good and bad. I have survived well up to now  leading my dual life – sometimes as an intellectual and sometimes as a junkie. I will try my best to continue being the same during the next 4-5 years. Time would tell if I’m successful or not in my carrier. As one of my friends once said, ultimately life is all about whether you are happy or not!

Let the journey begin

Why would a sane man want to blog? It’s a terrible waste of time, one would say! There are myriad reasons. Some blog out of utter boredom of their miserable lives. Some blog to cry out to the world hoping that their pains would be shared. Some blog to let out their creativity. Not like the old days, now we can freely distribute our feelings with an unlimited span through the web with some taps and clicks.

Why did I choose to blog? Well, it’s a mixture of many I guess. From the small ages I liked free writing. If a topic is interesting could scribble pages and pages.  Looking back at my quarter a century existence, I have had moments of ecstasy as well as moments of bitter agony. Some people look at my life with a flash of green eyes, but if they know what I have gone through those eyes would turn sour and shed a tear. Have I learned anything useful out of my experiences? Of course I have! But now I wish if I had recoded those moments, what I felt and how I reacted.

 My mind is more a machine when it comes to decisions and I seldom let emotions rule me. But, I am not a Cyborg! When I meet people, when I talk to them, when I leave them (sometimes forever) all the human emotions come and play with me. I simply have the ability to ignore them. When I read a book, when I watch a movie, when I go for a long jog near the lake, when I dance or when I play - these emotions play with me. Anger, love, jealousy, compassion – human beings are so complex. Actually the human brain is so complex. 

By allowing my thoughts and emotions to flow out of my brain to the keyboard I hope I would be able to contemplate on myself, my surroundings and my companions in a better way. And if I manage to continue this for habit for an extended period, some day I would be able to gaze upon the Reflections Through Time nurtured through my own fingertips! Let the journey begin.